About

Hi! I’m Marissa, a 26 year old economist living and working in Washington DC. I love to run, read, cook, and hang out with my boyfriend.

How I Started Blogging

I started blogging on September 26, 2007 at my old blog (browneyedmaris.blogspot.com). When I started blogging, I focused on counting calories and losing the 10-15 pounds I had put on since I started dating my boyfriend. My first blog was titled “Learning to Love Me” and that’s what I was doing…I had horrible body image issues and I was tired of beating myself up for doing one simple thing, eating.

On February 17, 2009 I made the decision to stop counting calories and to start eating intuitively. Even though I was counting calories and working out, I wasn’t losing weight. Here’s an excerpt of my post on the day I announced my decision:

“I’m done counting calories/points/grams of carbs, fat, protein/all of that for now. I’ve spent most of the last 16 years of my life in two modes: either on a diet or off a diet. There was never a happy medium of eating healthy but still enjoying food. Mentally, I’m tired of adding up calories in my head and my relationship with food is so wacked. Some days I’m satisfied with 1400 calories but because that’s below my BMR (basal metabolic rate), I’d eat more just to get to my BMR. By doing that, it’s like I don’t trust my body to tell me what it wants or needs. That is absurd!! I trust my body when I’m running to tell me when to stop or when to push further…my body can tell me if it’s hungry or not and I should trust it!

This is something I’ve been thinking about for a while as I’ve continued to count calories and yet my weight has stayed exactly the same. Emotionally and mentally, I can’t keep counting calories to stay in the exact same spot…that is a lot of wasted time and energy. I don’t know if I’ll lose weight not counting or if I’ll gain but I’ve got to get back to a better place with food. Food isn’t a punishment and it’s not a reward but I’ve been using it as both…healthy foods are a punishment when I’m on my diet and not so healthy foods are a reward when I’m off my diet. And when I’m on my diet, I feel like I should eat certain foods and not eat other foods. But when I’m off my diet, I take that opportunity to eat anything and everything in sight. I’m tired of this see-saw way of looking at food.”

The above paragraphs are painful for me to read. I can just feel how unhappy I am with my body.

Evolution of a New Blog

Since deciding not to count calories, I’ve felt much better emotionally and mentally. I don’t know if I’ve lost weight because I’ve let go of that number as well. I do know I’ve lost inches…previously too tight clothes now fit and some things are too big.

My relationship with food is better. I listen to my body and feed it what it wants when it wants it. Sometimes I still struggle with this but I’m so far away from where I was in February.

I needed a fresh start from my old blog. My body image and self confidence have improved significantly since I started blogging. I no longer need to work on “Learning to Love Me”…I love me! My old blog name just didn’t fit anymore and I outgrew it. This blog is titled “Every Step of the Way” because I truly feel that every step I take when I’m running leads me to a healthier life and a happier existence.

Enjoy reading!